Tuesday, June 7, 2011
truth be told, it hurts to say....it was just another...
Despite everything, i've found myself spiral down in my spiritual life..now it has somewhat stabalized to just living every day life. But who needs that? I need more than that..I honestly want to bang my head against the wall, for making stupid decisions and for just being a plain idiot. i look at myself and see a hypocrite, someone who has made so many empty promises and knowingly fallen and pushed aside God, DESPITE all that he has done, despite all he has given. I thought i was capable of change. but is it possible that i'll just remain stagnant for the rest of my life? I find myself asking "what is WRONG with you?!" way to often. I can't stand myself. But then again maybe i should follow my own advice. In this life you live, if you don't like what you see, then change the way you live your life. But no matter how hard i try, it never seems to work. Maybe there is still some important realization to be made, but shouldn't just trusting and going to God as i am be enough? shouldn't his grace be enough for me to want to draw nearer to him? Maybe i just need to look within myself...what is it that i truly want? what is it that i truly want to change? and how am i going to do it? Last week Virgil talked about christians being destroyed because of their lack of knowledge...maybe not wanting to live my life in complete ignorance will be enough to push me. but right now i feel so unworthy, i regret the way i have lived my life, especially after all i said and promised to God during the spring retreat. i don't want to just draw closer to God, but i want to break out of this horrible cyclee..
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
More Than A Band- Lemonade Mouth
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRf4dT4qbl8
I heard this song, and thought of you guys :)<3
I can't pretend
to know how you feel
but know that i'm here
know that i'm real
say what you want
or don't talk at all
not gonna let you fall
reach for my hand
cause it's held out for you
my shoudlers are small
but you can cry on them too
everything changes
but one thing is true
understand
we'll always be more than a band
you use to brave the world
all on your own
now we won't let you go
go it alone
be who you want to be
always stand tall
not gonna let you fall
reach for my hand
cause it's held out for you
my shoudlers are strong
but you can cry on them too
everything changes
but one thing is true
understand
we'll always be more than a band
i never knew you could take me so far
i've always wanted the home that you are
the ones i need
reach for my hand
cause it's held out for you
my shoudlers are strong
but you can cry on them too
everything changes
but one thing is true
understand
we'll always be more than a band
I heard this song, and thought of you guys :)<3
I can't pretend
to know how you feel
but know that i'm here
know that i'm real
say what you want
or don't talk at all
not gonna let you fall
reach for my hand
cause it's held out for you
my shoudlers are small
but you can cry on them too
everything changes
but one thing is true
understand
we'll always be more than a band
you use to brave the world
all on your own
now we won't let you go
go it alone
be who you want to be
always stand tall
not gonna let you fall
reach for my hand
cause it's held out for you
my shoudlers are strong
but you can cry on them too
everything changes
but one thing is true
understand
we'll always be more than a band
i never knew you could take me so far
i've always wanted the home that you are
the ones i need
reach for my hand
cause it's held out for you
my shoudlers are strong
but you can cry on them too
everything changes
but one thing is true
understand
we'll always be more than a band
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
There have been things i've been struggling with, but today i read these verses which really encouraged me. Maybe it will for you too- in some strange way or anotherr :)
Romans 6: 11-14
"In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Jesus Christ
Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires
Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness
For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace."
He has already broken the shackles, the chains. We no longer have to be bound or be a slave to sin, but can live in freedom and righteousness.
Romans 6:5-7
If we have been united with him like this in his death,
we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection
For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with,
that we should no longer be a slave to sin-
because anyone who has died has been freed from sin
God, thankyou for the freedom you have given me. Sin shall NOT be my master. You know exactly what i have been battling. But i know that because of your death and your grace i can be alive and free<3
Romans 6: 11-14
"In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Jesus Christ
Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires
Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness
For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace."
He has already broken the shackles, the chains. We no longer have to be bound or be a slave to sin, but can live in freedom and righteousness.
Romans 6:5-7
If we have been united with him like this in his death,
we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection
For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with,
that we should no longer be a slave to sin-
because anyone who has died has been freed from sin
God, thankyou for the freedom you have given me. Sin shall NOT be my master. You know exactly what i have been battling. But i know that because of your death and your grace i can be alive and free<3
Friday, May 13, 2011
what are you so afraid of?
What are you so afraid of?
Letting people know how you actually feel?
Your inner thoughts-
Is it because saying them out loud would make them true? real?
that you have these issues and you have these problems
Or is it because it's so much easier to hide behind
jokes and a false sense of self esteem
because its clear that you are insecure
But it's okay
cause everyone has felt that way
at some point
it's okay to hurt
it's okay to cry
It's okay to have a past
But what's not okay
is never opening up enough, to let people who care-
listen,
comfort,
& be there for you
So stop avoiding the questions, the calls
Why are you so afraid to have a real conversation?
To let people know who you are- past the loudness, past the laughs, past the outgoing exterior
are you afraid of what people might think?
well screw what they think!
You are who you are
in all your entirity
-your strengths, your talents, your weaknesses, your faults, your pain, you joy, your thoughts & opinions, your secrets, your struggles, your issues
So don't be afraid to face yourself
- this life that you live
and if you don't like what you see
change the way you live your life
take action
or are you just gonna brush it all of like it just don't matta?
until it slowly builds
and kills you
Don't be afriad to share
and talk about it
- the things on your heart, what's got you all wrapped up
Cause yes, they're real
and there are some things we can't get through
alone
Despite how strong we thing we are
Well good news
You're not
alone
Some have been there, some haven't
-but are willing to listen
There are shoulders to lean on
You don't have to put on a fasuade all the time
cause it wears you down
But confiding in others is quite cathartic
& realizing that you are loved no matter what-
if you just try, you'd be surprised by what you find
- a common struggle, a common goal, a resolution, a realization
so go ahead
just let it out~
Letting people know how you actually feel?
Your inner thoughts-
Is it because saying them out loud would make them true? real?
that you have these issues and you have these problems
Or is it because it's so much easier to hide behind
jokes and a false sense of self esteem
because its clear that you are insecure
But it's okay
cause everyone has felt that way
at some point
it's okay to hurt
it's okay to cry
It's okay to have a past
But what's not okay
is never opening up enough, to let people who care-
listen,
comfort,
& be there for you
So stop avoiding the questions, the calls
Why are you so afraid to have a real conversation?
To let people know who you are- past the loudness, past the laughs, past the outgoing exterior
are you afraid of what people might think?
well screw what they think!
You are who you are
in all your entirity
-your strengths, your talents, your weaknesses, your faults, your pain, you joy, your thoughts & opinions, your secrets, your struggles, your issues
So don't be afraid to face yourself
- this life that you live
and if you don't like what you see
change the way you live your life
take action
or are you just gonna brush it all of like it just don't matta?
until it slowly builds
and kills you
Don't be afriad to share
and talk about it
- the things on your heart, what's got you all wrapped up
Cause yes, they're real
and there are some things we can't get through
alone
Despite how strong we thing we are
Well good news
You're not
alone
Some have been there, some haven't
-but are willing to listen
There are shoulders to lean on
You don't have to put on a fasuade all the time
cause it wears you down
But confiding in others is quite cathartic
& realizing that you are loved no matter what-
if you just try, you'd be surprised by what you find
- a common struggle, a common goal, a resolution, a realization
so go ahead
just let it out~
Monday, May 2, 2011
Dying for truth
Eager for something more
Seeking for your prescence
Praying for clarity
Empty, thirsty, hungry- fill me
Running to Your Arms
Afflicted,hurt, scarred- heal me
Trying to find my way to YOU
I Need You, and You alone
Only Your love, Your touch, Your voice- can mend the brokeness
Nothing compares to the hope i find in You
Eager for something more
Seeking for your prescence
Praying for clarity
Empty, thirsty, hungry- fill me
Running to Your Arms
Afflicted,hurt, scarred- heal me
Trying to find my way to YOU
I Need You, and You alone
Only Your love, Your touch, Your voice- can mend the brokeness
Nothing compares to the hope i find in You
Monday, April 25, 2011
Rediscover You- Starfield
I need to just admit
my faith is paper thin
i'm feeling so burnt out
on religion
i say an empty prayer
i sing a tired song
i need to just admit
that the passions gone
and i want to get it back
You told me look for You
and i would find
so i'm here
like i'm searching for the first time
revive me
Jesus, make this cold heart start to move
help me rediscover You
i want learn to pray
the way that david prayed
i want my soul to burn
when i hear your name
i want to feel like new
i want to hunger for You
bring me back to life
like only You can do
cause i don't want to stay the same
You told me look for You
and i would find
so i'm here
like i'm searching for the first time
revive me
Jesus, make this cold heart start to move
help me rediscover You
Lord i want to be Yours today
i want to know the passion of the saints
and how they were changed
You told me look for You
and i would find
so i'm here
like i'm searching for the first time
revive me
Jesus, make this cold heart start to move
i want to burn for You
bring back to life
Jesus, help me rediscover You
-------------------------------------------
Hey guys :) this song really made me think about these past couple of days
the retreat, good friday, easter
and it really says a lot about how a felt & feel
i hope that everyone is staying strong after the spring retreat
& rediscovering their faith in Christ
i love you all :}<3
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Please, Don't Let This Be Just Another...
These past few days have been amazing. It was definately what i needed after such a long period of 'blahness' in my life, such a long period of feeling so distant from God. It was absolutely amazing to just get away from it all, all the stresses, all the burdens, and just bask in the wonderful nature of God and in the love of fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. I LOVE Deerpark! :) and i will never forget my first time there<3, because not only was it fun, but it was also moving. I came to this retreat thirsty, deperate, lost, and confused. But throughout these three days, there were some really important realizations and reconnections that were made :) and i am so thankful for that.
Well, before we headed out, I promised myself that over this retreat, i would try my best to reconnect with God. I wanted to spend that long forgotten time i once had with him, and just be alone in his nature. If you haven't noticed already, i LOVE nature! :D Breathing in the air, and just losing myself in its beauty & all its wonderful detail. So the next morning after we arrived, i headed out to do just that. I just desperately needed to be alone to clear my mind from all the clutter (sorry again group, i didnt know we were suppose to have group QTs >< i love you guys :)<3). And i must say, it was refreshing to have that time alone with God again. Soooo, as you guys know, i wound up at the gazebo, which caught my eye when we first arrived :D, early in the mornin' to just do QTs, which i haven't done in awhilee, and i mean like AWHILLE! When i got there, and sat down, it was so quiet & peaceful. But after praying for awhile, i was at a loss on what verse i should do my QT on. And after scrambling around the bible a bit, i looked up and saw little writings engraved on the roof of the gazebo. These verses really hit home ><
Lamentations 3:19-26
I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.
I remember them,
and my soul downcast within me
Yet this i call to mind
and therefore i have hope
Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is You faithfulness
I say to myself "The Lord is my portion;
therefore i will wait for him"
The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord
I couldn't help but feel God emphasizing the importance of waiting quietly for him & seeking him. His compassions are new every morning, and these verses hit hard, because i lack commitment and don't value the quiet time i have with God as much as i should. These past few weeks i have run hungry and dry, but i realize that its because i stopped having that time with God. There were some things that i felt guilty and shameful about, so i pushed God away, i was also lazy too. And since then i have been suffering and falling away from God even more, because i felt guilty about turning from him. It's a horrible cycle. I thought life was just bombarding me with pain an struggle, when it was really me who brought it upon myself. It was because i stopped seeking God, that i lacked the strength and will i needed to get through. I really needed to be reminded of how vital that time we spend with God is, and i may be reiterating myself, but it is what gives us hope. It is what renews us and restores us and gives us rest. I know that i need God to fill my cup every day and renew my heart and mind everyday, because i know that i am weak. It hit me in the face, that i need discipline to seek God every day, even when every fiber of my being doesn't 'feel' like it. And i may fail sometimes, but I need the discipline to seek God even in times of trouble; instead of running from him, he should be the one i run to first. Because i dont have to be afraid because of my guilt and shame, but i know now that i can approach the throne of grace with confidence, because the Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, and to the one who seeks him.
Secondly, i just wanted to talk about that night, YES that night :P The night when we were all crying out desperately to God. I thank God for touching our hearts and moving in us. But i pray that after all the high and all the emotions pass, that we will not return back to the way we were before. I've been through this so many times. The hype and then the crash. When will it end? But through God, and constant reminders and messages, i realize why i so easily fell from my hyped up state of being after i returned to my regular life. It's because i had no real foundation. I did not press to continue and to have that relationship with God. But now, im tired. I'm tired of all of the times i cried out so desperately to God, shouted, and cried my heart out, but forgot everything and fell from God just a couple days later. How many times do we have to go through the same thing? I'm tired of hype. What i need is CHANGE. Because if i don't learn to change my life and turn from my wicked ways, nothing else matters- not the tears i cry, the hands i raise, or the prayers i make. So God, change me, transform me, humble me, renew me. I empty everything i have and i give it all to you- all my pain and suffering, all these distractions, all these hindrances, all my hope and dreams, all this clutter, all the burdens, all the suffering. Take it all, i'm letting go of everything. Lord fill me. I need you to fill my cup every day of my life because i drain out so easily. I know that change won't happen over night, and that i must persevere in my walk with God, because i really don't want to go back to how i use to be. Lord, don't let me forget you and the compassions you have for me.
I pray that everything we said that night, would not all just be empty promises. I pray God, that this time it would really be different, and that we would seek you and treasure and enjoy that quiet time with you, that we would seek to be renewed and restored by your water and filled every day, because we desperately need that foundation in you, your spirit, and in your word. Instill in us the desire to want to know you more and everything you have to offer us. And finally, i pray for commitment and discipline to seek you even when everything is going wrong, and even when we are tired and weary, because you Lord are good to those whose hope is in you, to the one who seeks you.
Well, before we headed out, I promised myself that over this retreat, i would try my best to reconnect with God. I wanted to spend that long forgotten time i once had with him, and just be alone in his nature. If you haven't noticed already, i LOVE nature! :D Breathing in the air, and just losing myself in its beauty & all its wonderful detail. So the next morning after we arrived, i headed out to do just that. I just desperately needed to be alone to clear my mind from all the clutter (sorry again group, i didnt know we were suppose to have group QTs >< i love you guys :)<3). And i must say, it was refreshing to have that time alone with God again. Soooo, as you guys know, i wound up at the gazebo, which caught my eye when we first arrived :D, early in the mornin' to just do QTs, which i haven't done in awhilee, and i mean like AWHILLE! When i got there, and sat down, it was so quiet & peaceful. But after praying for awhile, i was at a loss on what verse i should do my QT on. And after scrambling around the bible a bit, i looked up and saw little writings engraved on the roof of the gazebo. These verses really hit home ><
Lamentations 3:19-26
I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.
I remember them,
and my soul downcast within me
Yet this i call to mind
and therefore i have hope
Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is You faithfulness
I say to myself "The Lord is my portion;
therefore i will wait for him"
The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord
I couldn't help but feel God emphasizing the importance of waiting quietly for him & seeking him. His compassions are new every morning, and these verses hit hard, because i lack commitment and don't value the quiet time i have with God as much as i should. These past few weeks i have run hungry and dry, but i realize that its because i stopped having that time with God. There were some things that i felt guilty and shameful about, so i pushed God away, i was also lazy too. And since then i have been suffering and falling away from God even more, because i felt guilty about turning from him. It's a horrible cycle. I thought life was just bombarding me with pain an struggle, when it was really me who brought it upon myself. It was because i stopped seeking God, that i lacked the strength and will i needed to get through. I really needed to be reminded of how vital that time we spend with God is, and i may be reiterating myself, but it is what gives us hope. It is what renews us and restores us and gives us rest. I know that i need God to fill my cup every day and renew my heart and mind everyday, because i know that i am weak. It hit me in the face, that i need discipline to seek God every day, even when every fiber of my being doesn't 'feel' like it. And i may fail sometimes, but I need the discipline to seek God even in times of trouble; instead of running from him, he should be the one i run to first. Because i dont have to be afraid because of my guilt and shame, but i know now that i can approach the throne of grace with confidence, because the Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, and to the one who seeks him.
Secondly, i just wanted to talk about that night, YES that night :P The night when we were all crying out desperately to God. I thank God for touching our hearts and moving in us. But i pray that after all the high and all the emotions pass, that we will not return back to the way we were before. I've been through this so many times. The hype and then the crash. When will it end? But through God, and constant reminders and messages, i realize why i so easily fell from my hyped up state of being after i returned to my regular life. It's because i had no real foundation. I did not press to continue and to have that relationship with God. But now, im tired. I'm tired of all of the times i cried out so desperately to God, shouted, and cried my heart out, but forgot everything and fell from God just a couple days later. How many times do we have to go through the same thing? I'm tired of hype. What i need is CHANGE. Because if i don't learn to change my life and turn from my wicked ways, nothing else matters- not the tears i cry, the hands i raise, or the prayers i make. So God, change me, transform me, humble me, renew me. I empty everything i have and i give it all to you- all my pain and suffering, all these distractions, all these hindrances, all my hope and dreams, all this clutter, all the burdens, all the suffering. Take it all, i'm letting go of everything. Lord fill me. I need you to fill my cup every day of my life because i drain out so easily. I know that change won't happen over night, and that i must persevere in my walk with God, because i really don't want to go back to how i use to be. Lord, don't let me forget you and the compassions you have for me.
I pray that everything we said that night, would not all just be empty promises. I pray God, that this time it would really be different, and that we would seek you and treasure and enjoy that quiet time with you, that we would seek to be renewed and restored by your water and filled every day, because we desperately need that foundation in you, your spirit, and in your word. Instill in us the desire to want to know you more and everything you have to offer us. And finally, i pray for commitment and discipline to seek you even when everything is going wrong, and even when we are tired and weary, because you Lord are good to those whose hope is in you, to the one who seeks you.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Make it stop...
There's this unexplainable sadness in me, i can't seem to shake...
For some reason for these past 3 weeks, i've been feeling "down." i thought it would pass- that it was just one of those days, or just a phase- but for some strange reason it hasn't. When will it end? i find myself more and more frequently in oddly bad moods. i want to be left alone, but at the same time want someone to care. It's stupid; i really don't know what's wrong with me. But this feeling of being trapped and suffocated is really starting to take its toll, and no matter what i try to do, it just keeps coming back. Every day is a battle. Each second of every minute- i long for it to be over. what it this loneliness and hopelessness that has slowly seemed to take over my entire life? shouldn't i be happy? happy about college? about friends? about spring break? i don't know...what is the source of all of these feelings i can't seem to get rid of?! I know that life isn't easy, so i'll try to be strong and endure this "slump" i guess these are the times where all you can do is fix your eyes on the big guy upstairs. "I will sing in times of trouble, i will trust you God" Please God, take all that have and all that i am, all my troubles, all my burdens, and all my brokeness.
I lay it down at your feet...
For some reason for these past 3 weeks, i've been feeling "down." i thought it would pass- that it was just one of those days, or just a phase- but for some strange reason it hasn't. When will it end? i find myself more and more frequently in oddly bad moods. i want to be left alone, but at the same time want someone to care. It's stupid; i really don't know what's wrong with me. But this feeling of being trapped and suffocated is really starting to take its toll, and no matter what i try to do, it just keeps coming back. Every day is a battle. Each second of every minute- i long for it to be over. what it this loneliness and hopelessness that has slowly seemed to take over my entire life? shouldn't i be happy? happy about college? about friends? about spring break? i don't know...what is the source of all of these feelings i can't seem to get rid of?! I know that life isn't easy, so i'll try to be strong and endure this "slump" i guess these are the times where all you can do is fix your eyes on the big guy upstairs. "I will sing in times of trouble, i will trust you God" Please God, take all that have and all that i am, all my troubles, all my burdens, and all my brokeness.
I lay it down at your feet...
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Random Things You Should Know About Me :)
I'm really weird (but i bet you knew that already)
My favorite color is green
I love animals, even though i'm allergic to most of them
I love to draw
I love people who smile
I love it when people open up & are not afraid to show their true self
I love people who can face their past & their problems
I like to dance when no one is watching
I like to daydream a lot
I absolutely dread chemistry!
I LOVE dark chocolate!!!
I am currently trying to kick a bad habit
I eat when i am depressed :(
Sometimes i feel hopeless
Sometimes i get sick of living
I don't like repeating myself
I can be very moody sometimes, forgive me~
I tend to tear up, when people ask me if i am okay
Simple kind & loving gestures can last with me for a life time
I love music
I have really bad posture ><
I'm trying to be more assertive
I'm trying to get a grip on my life
I LOVE dragons, horses, and Dinocreatures!
I have had a lot of celebrity crushes! (Jake Gyllenhaal, Wilber Pan, Aaron Yan, Matt Lanter, Ryan Sypek, Munro Chambers <3 ect.)
I have a very vivid imagination, which is horrible after watching scary movies
I think about a lot of things before i go to bed
I have had many regrets
I hate guys who flirt with everyone
I hate it when people hide behind jokes, laughter, and foolishness (even though i sometimes do that too ><)
I am my own worst enemy
I cry very easily, especially during chick flicks
I want to marry a guy named Isaac :P
I have a lot of hopes for the future, even though some people carelessly stomp on them
I've never been in love (cept for JESUS :} )
I've actually succeeded in keeping my room clean for about 3 weeks
I like to take in the scenary
I prefer to just listen to music & walk vs. getting driven
I love nature
I doodle a lot in classes
I use to have a crush on Jim Hawkins from Treasure Island
I use to love watching Zoids, Yi-Gi-Oh, and the Winx Club :D
Guys with accents are cool :P
My best freind is Jin Sook Park <3
I love my sister<3
I use to be a very evil, mischevious kid
I believe in infatuation at first sight (not love)
I keep my notes colorful, so i don't fall asleep
I love Taiwan!!! my homeland baby~
I like to write songs & play the guitar
I like post-its
I'm afraid of being skinned to death by a cheese grater
I hate carrot juice
I LOVE smoothies
I'm very random sometimes (like now)
I have some pretty douchey friends (peter, pak & erick :P<3)
I tend to like certain guys, until i get to know them! lol
Douchey personalities are a big turn OFF!
I have a very short attention span when it comes to reading books
Sometimes i feel ew
I like to take random walks at night
I love the night air
I am trying to change
I don't like feet
I HATE maggots!
I think Edward Cullen is yucky
I wish i could fly
I'm a dork
I get hurt easily
I'm so awkward sometimes :P
I want to be a more kind, loving, wise & understanding person
I am trying to establish a steady relationship with God- because right now i consider myself a yo-yo christian ><
And finally, i love you :) whoever you are, for reading my silly long list of stuff!
My favorite color is green
I love animals, even though i'm allergic to most of them
I love to draw
I love people who smile
I love it when people open up & are not afraid to show their true self
I love people who can face their past & their problems
I like to dance when no one is watching
I like to daydream a lot
I absolutely dread chemistry!
I LOVE dark chocolate!!!
I am currently trying to kick a bad habit
I eat when i am depressed :(
Sometimes i feel hopeless
Sometimes i get sick of living
I don't like repeating myself
I can be very moody sometimes, forgive me~
I tend to tear up, when people ask me if i am okay
Simple kind & loving gestures can last with me for a life time
I love music
I have really bad posture ><
I'm trying to be more assertive
I'm trying to get a grip on my life
I LOVE dragons, horses, and Dinocreatures!
I have had a lot of celebrity crushes! (Jake Gyllenhaal, Wilber Pan, Aaron Yan, Matt Lanter, Ryan Sypek, Munro Chambers <3 ect.)
I have a very vivid imagination, which is horrible after watching scary movies
I think about a lot of things before i go to bed
I have had many regrets
I hate guys who flirt with everyone
I hate it when people hide behind jokes, laughter, and foolishness (even though i sometimes do that too ><)
I am my own worst enemy
I cry very easily, especially during chick flicks
I want to marry a guy named Isaac :P
I have a lot of hopes for the future, even though some people carelessly stomp on them
I've never been in love (cept for JESUS :} )
I've actually succeeded in keeping my room clean for about 3 weeks
I like to take in the scenary
I prefer to just listen to music & walk vs. getting driven
I love nature
I doodle a lot in classes
I use to have a crush on Jim Hawkins from Treasure Island
I use to love watching Zoids, Yi-Gi-Oh, and the Winx Club :D
Guys with accents are cool :P
My best freind is Jin Sook Park <3
I love my sister<3
I use to be a very evil, mischevious kid
I believe in infatuation at first sight (not love)
I keep my notes colorful, so i don't fall asleep
I love Taiwan!!! my homeland baby~
I like to write songs & play the guitar
I like post-its
I'm afraid of being skinned to death by a cheese grater
I hate carrot juice
I LOVE smoothies
I'm very random sometimes (like now)
I have some pretty douchey friends (peter, pak & erick :P<3)
I tend to like certain guys, until i get to know them! lol
Douchey personalities are a big turn OFF!
I have a very short attention span when it comes to reading books
Sometimes i feel ew
I like to take random walks at night
I love the night air
I am trying to change
I don't like feet
I HATE maggots!
I think Edward Cullen is yucky
I wish i could fly
I'm a dork
I get hurt easily
I'm so awkward sometimes :P
I want to be a more kind, loving, wise & understanding person
I am trying to establish a steady relationship with God- because right now i consider myself a yo-yo christian ><
And finally, i love you :) whoever you are, for reading my silly long list of stuff!
I Want to Run Away...
I want to run away
to a place where it's just You & me
I want to escape this failing world
and only in Your arms let me be
take away all of the distractions
all of these people
all the pain
all the hurt
all my worries, all my tears, and all my insecurities
Hold me safetly while i am beat & broken
Let the beating of your heart, be the only thing i hear
Let Your healing touch, be the only thing i feel
Let your voice, be the only thing i trust
Let Your love be the only thing i run to
So many times i fall
So many times i cry
i'm so tired and weary
fighting to survive each day of my life
where is the happiness?
and where is the joy?
i find that it has dissapeared
when it was You, i stopped living for
You're the only thing that is good
and the only thing that i need
sometimes, why is that so hard for me to see?
despite everything You have done
why is it so easy for me to turn my back on You?
I need to change
Don't let me forget
All the times You have held me
All the times You have saved me
All the times You have loved me
So now let me love You in return
let me be steadfast in this love
I want to run away
to a place where it's just You & me
nothing else in this life matters
Only You will never leave...
to a place where it's just You & me
I want to escape this failing world
and only in Your arms let me be
take away all of the distractions
all of these people
all the pain
all the hurt
all my worries, all my tears, and all my insecurities
Hold me safetly while i am beat & broken
Let the beating of your heart, be the only thing i hear
Let Your healing touch, be the only thing i feel
Let your voice, be the only thing i trust
Let Your love be the only thing i run to
So many times i fall
So many times i cry
i'm so tired and weary
fighting to survive each day of my life
where is the happiness?
and where is the joy?
i find that it has dissapeared
when it was You, i stopped living for
You're the only thing that is good
and the only thing that i need
sometimes, why is that so hard for me to see?
despite everything You have done
why is it so easy for me to turn my back on You?
I need to change
Don't let me forget
All the times You have held me
All the times You have saved me
All the times You have loved me
So now let me love You in return
let me be steadfast in this love
I want to run away
to a place where it's just You & me
nothing else in this life matters
Only You will never leave...
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Honor Thy Parents~
Hey people of earth :) ....why ON earth am i up THIS early? I have no clue, but i just seemed to randomly wake up at 3am. Soooo, what do i do for the next 3 and a half hours til school. I know! BLOG!- cause you know i haven't in awhileee. But anyways to start off, here's something i wrote on like last wednesday or thursday, my memory fails me > <, but i never got around to finishing it~ so here :} -
So yesterday, i kind of had a falling out with my parents... but i also had a pretty nice talk with them afterwards- thats is, after i let them yell & rant for awhile :P Well, lets just say my mom started going off about me & glor's messy room (our room tends to swing from periods of supreme messiness (as some of you might have seen o.O) to supreme cleaness, and than back again T^T) and how me & glor mess up their room as well. Then my mom started bringing up college and stuff, and whenever she does that i get kind of..backsassy? i guess, and i said 'maybe i should just leave so i wont' mess up anything anymore' & that i couldn't wait to get out, which in hindsight was pretty stupid to say >< but yea, I told her that we were going to clean today, but you know when parents get fustrated, they start bringing up EVERY SINGLE wrong thing you've ever done + some unexpected bonuses! So, yeaa. I'm fustrated, she's fustrated, she tells my dad, and now he's fustrated, and gloria is just :/ ?! throughout the whole thingg. Long story short, after me & glor finish cleaning our room and their room, we both go downstairs to eat and be pummeled. But THANK God,we didnt get as pummeled as i thought we would :) So, i apologized to my mommy and we all sat down to eat and talk. And as we did, i realized how much my mom & dad really did for us- not only the financial stufff (which i am learning about in economics- its pretty hard core, all the things parents need to take care of financially), but i also got a chance to see their heart. I got to see how my parents genuinely cared about my well being, instead of viewing them as people who just wanted to trap me here for as long as possible (we've been arguing about whether or not i should dorm at collegee). I wonder why it took me so long to realize. well, maybe i'm just hard-headed, and want some freedom. But now that i think about it, i really should enjoy the time i have left with my parents & show them my appreciation for everything they have done and sacrificed for me. Because the last thing i want is to be one of those people who regret the relationship or lack of one with their parents when they eventually pass away. I mean, of course there will be some sort of miscommunication once in awhile with parents, but if you actually talk to them & get to know them ( :O what a thought! lols) you'll see what they are really all about. And i guess they have weird ways of showing it (cause of the generation gap & traditional ASIAN mindset), but they do love you- genuinely love you & want the best for your life and future. So, my goal for the week (and hopefully for the rest of my life), is to honor my parents, cause after all, it is one of the ten commandments o.O (say,wha?)
Exodus 20:12
Honor your father and mother, so that you may live long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you
So, i guess what the point is or what i'm trying to say is, you might have issues with your parents, conflicts, differing opinions, but even when every fiber of your being is telling you to blow up in there faces or defend yourself...well, i dont know, i guess try to speak with them at face value.Try to get to know your parents, and actually develop a relationship with them. Honor them, despite teenage, hormonol rebellion, respect them and don't forget or disregard everything they have sacrificed for you, forgive them for the things they've put you through and if they ever hurt you, try putting yourselves in their shoes, or give them an occasional hug! :) <3 you'd be suprised what kind of doors it will open up. Life really is a lot happier this wayy- when you have a good/ loving relationship with your parents, it reflects the relationship we are suppose to have with God. Well, im not trying to preach or anything, because honestly, i think i would suck at it > <. Buttt, i just wanted to say, that i still make mistakes, and i still get fustrated, like i said before, but i when i made an effort to try to start honoring my parents by obeying them and thinking of THEM for a change (it could be as simple as listening to them when they ask you to get some bowls, saying hi and chatting with them a bit after getting home from schoool instead of running straight to your room, cutting some fruit to share with your daddy, or obeying mommy when she tells you to clean up after yo messy self!), it made a huge difference in my life & maybe it might in yours too :} so i guess that is it for nows~ Soo, GLUCK to everyone this week! with school, with parents, with friends, with life! i luvyous :)<3
So yesterday, i kind of had a falling out with my parents... but i also had a pretty nice talk with them afterwards- thats is, after i let them yell & rant for awhile :P Well, lets just say my mom started going off about me & glor's messy room (our room tends to swing from periods of supreme messiness (as some of you might have seen o.O) to supreme cleaness, and than back again T^T) and how me & glor mess up their room as well. Then my mom started bringing up college and stuff, and whenever she does that i get kind of..backsassy? i guess, and i said 'maybe i should just leave so i wont' mess up anything anymore' & that i couldn't wait to get out, which in hindsight was pretty stupid to say >< but yea, I told her that we were going to clean today, but you know when parents get fustrated, they start bringing up EVERY SINGLE wrong thing you've ever done + some unexpected bonuses! So, yeaa. I'm fustrated, she's fustrated, she tells my dad, and now he's fustrated, and gloria is just :/ ?! throughout the whole thingg. Long story short, after me & glor finish cleaning our room and their room, we both go downstairs to eat and be pummeled. But THANK God,we didnt get as pummeled as i thought we would :) So, i apologized to my mommy and we all sat down to eat and talk. And as we did, i realized how much my mom & dad really did for us- not only the financial stufff (which i am learning about in economics- its pretty hard core, all the things parents need to take care of financially), but i also got a chance to see their heart. I got to see how my parents genuinely cared about my well being, instead of viewing them as people who just wanted to trap me here for as long as possible (we've been arguing about whether or not i should dorm at collegee). I wonder why it took me so long to realize. well, maybe i'm just hard-headed, and want some freedom. But now that i think about it, i really should enjoy the time i have left with my parents & show them my appreciation for everything they have done and sacrificed for me. Because the last thing i want is to be one of those people who regret the relationship or lack of one with their parents when they eventually pass away. I mean, of course there will be some sort of miscommunication once in awhile with parents, but if you actually talk to them & get to know them ( :O what a thought! lols) you'll see what they are really all about. And i guess they have weird ways of showing it (cause of the generation gap & traditional ASIAN mindset), but they do love you- genuinely love you & want the best for your life and future. So, my goal for the week (and hopefully for the rest of my life), is to honor my parents, cause after all, it is one of the ten commandments o.O (say,wha?)
Exodus 20:12
Honor your father and mother, so that you may live long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you
So, i guess what the point is or what i'm trying to say is, you might have issues with your parents, conflicts, differing opinions, but even when every fiber of your being is telling you to blow up in there faces or defend yourself...well, i dont know, i guess try to speak with them at face value.Try to get to know your parents, and actually develop a relationship with them. Honor them, despite teenage, hormonol rebellion, respect them and don't forget or disregard everything they have sacrificed for you, forgive them for the things they've put you through and if they ever hurt you, try putting yourselves in their shoes, or give them an occasional hug! :) <3 you'd be suprised what kind of doors it will open up. Life really is a lot happier this wayy- when you have a good/ loving relationship with your parents, it reflects the relationship we are suppose to have with God. Well, im not trying to preach or anything, because honestly, i think i would suck at it > <. Buttt, i just wanted to say, that i still make mistakes, and i still get fustrated, like i said before, but i when i made an effort to try to start honoring my parents by obeying them and thinking of THEM for a change (it could be as simple as listening to them when they ask you to get some bowls, saying hi and chatting with them a bit after getting home from schoool instead of running straight to your room, cutting some fruit to share with your daddy, or obeying mommy when she tells you to clean up after yo messy self!), it made a huge difference in my life & maybe it might in yours too :} so i guess that is it for nows~ Soo, GLUCK to everyone this week! with school, with parents, with friends, with life! i luvyous :)<3
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Random Thoughts
what's with the bipolar weather?
i made a new fwend today :)
yay im finally starting to get my sleeping pattern back on track
im so happy that God miracuously made my chem teacher absent yesterday when we were suppose to have a quiz, too bad i failed it today :(
i should be doing math hw right now
:D doing better this week in my walk with God
luvyas <3
i made a new fwend today :)
yay im finally starting to get my sleeping pattern back on track
im so happy that God miracuously made my chem teacher absent yesterday when we were suppose to have a quiz, too bad i failed it today :(
i should be doing math hw right now
:D doing better this week in my walk with God
luvyas <3
Sunday, March 20, 2011
I Will Refuse to Look at You...
Hello there :) well, as many of you know some of us went to this thing called TBN (Trinity Broadcasting Center) two days ago, and i must say.....it was kind of weird. I don't know, but something felt kind of off- was it the lights, the cameras right up in peoples faces, the slightly creepy singer or the people going strangely nuts? For some reason it all just felt like for show, and it reminded me off a couple of verses i read last week.
In Isaiah 1: 5-6 it starts off
Why should you continue to be punished?
Why do you continue to turn against him?
Your whole head is hurt,
and your whole heart is sick
There is no healhy spot from the bottom of
your foot to the top of your head;
you are covered with wounds, hurts, and open sores
that are not cleaned and covered,
and no medicine takes the pain away
these verses were really humbling. it hurt little, but every word of it was true. Then is goes on to say in Isaiah 1:15-17
When you raise your arms to me in prayer
I will refuse to look at you
Even if you say many prayers
I wil not listen to you,
because your hands are full of blood
Wash yourselves and make yourselves clean
Stop doing the evil things I see you do
Stop doing wrong
Learn to do good
Seek justice
Punish those who hurt others
Help the orphans
Stand up for the right of widows
So many times i lift my hands to worship God and i pray, but NONE of that matters. Everything i do is useless, unless i learn to clean myself, unless i stop doing the evil things that i do, unless i learn to do good and seek justice. NOTHING we do at church, or at home, or at school matters. We can crazily raise our hands to God, scream and shout countless prayers, but in the end if we dont learn to change ourselves and the life we live, God will refuse to look at us and He will refuse to listen to us. These verses really hit me in the face, and gave me the reality check that i desperately needed. And after that night at TBN i was reminded of it and another thought crosssed my mind. If got me thinking, after seeing all of those people, lights, and cameras. What would happen if you took all of that away? It would just be me & God. And if that's the case, i want that to be real and honest. Take away all the hype, and what's left is the core of Christianity- a real, honest realationship with God. I realize now that that's what i want. And i want to press for that relationship. I keep saying that i hate hypocrite christians, but...what it i am one? After giving my 'testimony' in front of the camera, was i being just another phony Christian? I don't know, it felt weird, because i know that i'm not where i want to be, in terms of my relationship with God. I wonder if the old me would hate the me i am now- someone who goes to church and does all of this 'Christiany' stuff, and then goes home and does everything BUT seek God ernestly...so, in light of everything let me try actually giving me ALL to God, let me actually try doing what i sing every Sunday, let me actually try to have the sweet & lovely relationship we were all meant to have with God- what He made us for...
In Isaiah 1: 5-6 it starts off
Why should you continue to be punished?
Why do you continue to turn against him?
Your whole head is hurt,
and your whole heart is sick
There is no healhy spot from the bottom of
your foot to the top of your head;
you are covered with wounds, hurts, and open sores
that are not cleaned and covered,
and no medicine takes the pain away
these verses were really humbling. it hurt little, but every word of it was true. Then is goes on to say in Isaiah 1:15-17
When you raise your arms to me in prayer
I will refuse to look at you
Even if you say many prayers
I wil not listen to you,
because your hands are full of blood
Wash yourselves and make yourselves clean
Stop doing the evil things I see you do
Stop doing wrong
Learn to do good
Seek justice
Punish those who hurt others
Help the orphans
Stand up for the right of widows
So many times i lift my hands to worship God and i pray, but NONE of that matters. Everything i do is useless, unless i learn to clean myself, unless i stop doing the evil things that i do, unless i learn to do good and seek justice. NOTHING we do at church, or at home, or at school matters. We can crazily raise our hands to God, scream and shout countless prayers, but in the end if we dont learn to change ourselves and the life we live, God will refuse to look at us and He will refuse to listen to us. These verses really hit me in the face, and gave me the reality check that i desperately needed. And after that night at TBN i was reminded of it and another thought crosssed my mind. If got me thinking, after seeing all of those people, lights, and cameras. What would happen if you took all of that away? It would just be me & God. And if that's the case, i want that to be real and honest. Take away all the hype, and what's left is the core of Christianity- a real, honest realationship with God. I realize now that that's what i want. And i want to press for that relationship. I keep saying that i hate hypocrite christians, but...what it i am one? After giving my 'testimony' in front of the camera, was i being just another phony Christian? I don't know, it felt weird, because i know that i'm not where i want to be, in terms of my relationship with God. I wonder if the old me would hate the me i am now- someone who goes to church and does all of this 'Christiany' stuff, and then goes home and does everything BUT seek God ernestly...so, in light of everything let me try actually giving me ALL to God, let me actually try doing what i sing every Sunday, let me actually try to have the sweet & lovely relationship we were all meant to have with God- what He made us for...
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Dear God...
Why do i feel so far from you these days? I guess, i can answer that myself can't i? This week has been full of downs and downs, and my time spent with You has slowly dwindled. I promised You that i would stop making excuses, but i still do. I feel like i just keep making a series of bad decisions, and that i have disappointed You once again. All I want is to be close to You like i use to be. I feel so drained, lost, and confused. But most of all, i feel conflicted. I guess i'm my own worst enemy, right? It's like im constantly battling myself, but i guess im not strong enough to win without You. Soo, as said in the wise words of Sanctus Real...
Burn away the pride
bring me to my weakness
'til everything i hide behind is gone
when i'm open wide
with nothing left to cling to
only You are there to lead me on
'cause honestly i'm not that strong
I'm not alright, i'm broken inside
broken inside
And all i go through, it leads me to You
it leads me to you
And i move, and i move, and i move
closer to You
I'm not alright, i'm broken inside
broken inside
And all i go through, it leads me to You
it leads me to you
I'm not alright, that's why i need You...
God i NEED You, lead the way...
Burn away the pride
bring me to my weakness
'til everything i hide behind is gone
when i'm open wide
with nothing left to cling to
only You are there to lead me on
'cause honestly i'm not that strong
I'm not alright, i'm broken inside
broken inside
And all i go through, it leads me to You
it leads me to you
And i move, and i move, and i move
closer to You
I'm not alright, i'm broken inside
broken inside
And all i go through, it leads me to You
it leads me to you
I'm not alright, that's why i need You...
God i NEED You, lead the way...
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Matthew 5: 3-10
Those people who know they have great spiritual needs are happy,
because the kingdom of heaven belongs to them
Those who are sad now are happy,
because God will comfort them
Those who are humble are happy,
because the earth will belong to them
Those who want to do right more than anything else are happy,
because God will fully satisfy them
Those who show mercy to others are happy,
because God will show mercy to them
Those who are pure in their thinking are happy,
because they will be with God
Those who work to bring peace are happy,
because God will call them his children
Those who are treated badly for doing good are happy,
because the kingdom of heaven belongs to them
Those people who know they have great spiritual needs are happy,
because the kingdom of heaven belongs to them
Those who are sad now are happy,
because God will comfort them
Those who are humble are happy,
because the earth will belong to them
Those who want to do right more than anything else are happy,
because God will fully satisfy them
Those who show mercy to others are happy,
because God will show mercy to them
Those who are pure in their thinking are happy,
because they will be with God
Those who work to bring peace are happy,
because God will call them his children
Those who are treated badly for doing good are happy,
because the kingdom of heaven belongs to them
Monday, February 14, 2011
God- will You be my Valentine?
Well, it's that time of the year again- HAPPY VALENTINES day :) <3 or should i say Single Awareness Day! (SAD) Sigh, today was pretty lonely (sniff) seeing all of these couples, and people with roses, balloons, chocolate, & teddy bears~ But you know what? who knows what will happen to those couples 5 years from now. Only God's love lasts forever! so let us fix our eyes on him, instead of wallowing in our single misery :P I'm just glad to have amazing friends, a loving family, & most of all i'm glad to have God in my life. So without further adue, God will you be my Valentine? :}
Psalm 119: 76
May Your UNFAILING love be my comfort,
according to Your promise to your servant
It's Valentines day and love is in the air, but what really is love?
yesyes :)
1 Corinthians 13: 4-7
Love is patient and kind
Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud
Love is not rude, is not selfish, and does not get upset with others
Love does not count up wrongs that have been done
Love is not happy with evil but is happy with the truth
Love patiently accepts all things
It always trusts, always hopes, and always remains strong
Wow, i really need to work on truly loving people, because there are so many of these things that i am not. I hope that through God, I can learn what it means to truly love others.
This is the kind of love more of us really need- to receive & give
Happy Valentines day again! :) & to all the single ladies and men out there~ don't be too sad, because love is like a triangle (in the words of Pastor Sang :]) God is on the top corner, and we & our future soulmate are on the bottom 2 corners, and if we both look to God, we will eventually find eachother :D<3
God
/ \
/ \
/ \
You ^^------soulmate :)
Psalm 119: 76
May Your UNFAILING love be my comfort,
according to Your promise to your servant
It's Valentines day and love is in the air, but what really is love?
yesyes :)
1 Corinthians 13: 4-7
Love is patient and kind
Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud
Love is not rude, is not selfish, and does not get upset with others
Love does not count up wrongs that have been done
Love is not happy with evil but is happy with the truth
Love patiently accepts all things
It always trusts, always hopes, and always remains strong
Wow, i really need to work on truly loving people, because there are so many of these things that i am not. I hope that through God, I can learn what it means to truly love others.
This is the kind of love more of us really need- to receive & give
Happy Valentines day again! :) & to all the single ladies and men out there~ don't be too sad, because love is like a triangle (in the words of Pastor Sang :]) God is on the top corner, and we & our future soulmate are on the bottom 2 corners, and if we both look to God, we will eventually find eachother :D<3
God
/ \
/ \
/ \
You ^^------soulmate :)
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Psalm 86: 11-13
Teach me your way, O Lord,
and I will walk in Your TRUTH,
give me an undivided heart
that i may Fear Your name.
I will praise You, O Lord my God, with all my heart;
I will glorify Your name forever.
For great is Your love toward me,
You have delivered me from the depths of the grave.
Teach me your way, O Lord,
and I will walk in Your TRUTH,
give me an undivided heart
that i may Fear Your name.
I will praise You, O Lord my God, with all my heart;
I will glorify Your name forever.
For great is Your love toward me,
You have delivered me from the depths of the grave.
Turn Up the Musicc
Hello people of the internet :) i changed my background! i know it's a bit depressing, but i'll keep it like this for a week cause it matches the umbrella thingy. Anyways, on a more musical note- this week i found myself angered at the system. As you all know, or most of you know, DOZO plays music for its bells. But lately its become really inaudible, and whats the point of having music if you CAN'T hear it? You know what i mean? Well, for the past couple of months i've been burning CDs with instrumentals for the school bells, because 'they" usually overuse the same songs, which really blows. They play some of the weirdest stuff too, like the star wars theme and indiana jones~ (no offense to those who are into that stuff :P) But yea, i decided to fight the man, and try to get good music for the bells. I haven't done it in a while, and the bells were getting blah again,so this week i sat down to find some songs. Its pretty hard to find decent 4 minute instrumentals with no vocals on youtube so i started searching a whole bunch of stuff, when i thought heyy, why not search hillsong! its turns out that they had a whole bunch of amazing instrumentals to songs we know & love- like hosanna, mighty to save, one way, and from the inside out! :D <3 I gave in the CD last wednesday, and i cant wait to here christian music on the school bells. Maybe it will uplift people in some way. BUT there is still the inaudibility >< which a lot of people have been complaining about...so me & glor attempted to fight the MAN on friday, but she wasnt theree :( lol oh well, wish us better luck next time!
Praise be to God & let his music fill our hearts & the hallways of cardozo~ :} WHOOO!
represent!
Praise be to God & let his music fill our hearts & the hallways of cardozo~ :} WHOOO!
represent!
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