Rediscover You- Starfield

I need to just admit

my faith is paper thin

i'm feeling so burnt out 

on religion

i say an empty prayer

i sing a tired song

i need to just admit 

that the passions gone

and i want to get it back

You told me look for You 

and i would find

so i'm here

like i'm searching for the first time

revive me

Jesus, make this cold heart start to move

help me rediscover You

i want learn to pray

the way that david prayed 

i want my soul to burn 

when i hear your name 

i want to feel like new

i want to hunger for You

bring me back to life

like only You can do

cause i don't want to stay the same

You told me look for You 

and i would find

so i'm here

like i'm searching for the first time

revive me

Jesus, make this cold heart start to move

help me rediscover You

Lord i want to be Yours today

i want to know the passion of the saints

and how they were changed

You told me look for You 

and i would find

so i'm here

like i'm searching for the first time

revive me

Jesus, make this cold heart start to move

i want to burn for You 

bring back to life

Jesus, help me rediscover You

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Hey guys :) this song really made me think about these past couple of days

the retreat, good friday, easter

and it really says a lot about how a felt & feel

i hope that everyone is staying strong after the spring retreat

& rediscovering their faith in Christ 

i love you all :}<3

Please, Don't Let This Be Just Another...

These past few days have been amazing. It was definately what i needed after such a long period of 'blahness' in my life, such a long period of feeling so distant from God. It was absolutely amazing to just get away from it all, all the stresses, all the burdens, and just bask in the wonderful nature of God and in the love of fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. I LOVE Deerpark! :) and i will never forget my first time there<3, because not only was it fun, but it was also moving. I came to this retreat thirsty, deperate, lost, and confused. But throughout these three days, there were some really important realizations and reconnections that were made :) and i am so thankful for that.

Well, before we headed out, I promised myself that over this retreat, i would try my best to reconnect with God. I wanted to spend that long forgotten time i once had with him, and just be alone in his nature. If you haven't noticed already, i LOVE nature! :D Breathing in the air, and just losing myself in its beauty & all its wonderful detail. So the next morning after we arrived, i headed out to do just that. I just desperately needed to be alone to clear my mind from all the clutter (sorry again group, i didnt know we were suppose to have group QTs >< i love you guys :)<3). And i must say, it was refreshing to have that time alone with God again. Soooo, as you guys know, i wound up at the gazebo, which caught my eye when we first arrived :D, early in the mornin' to just do QTs, which i haven't done in awhilee, and i mean like AWHILLE! When i got there, and sat down, it was so quiet & peaceful. But after praying for awhile, i was at a loss on what verse i should do my QT on. And after scrambling around the bible a bit, i looked up and saw little writings engraved on the roof of the gazebo. These verses really hit home ><

Lamentations 3:19-26
I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.
I remember them,
and my soul downcast within me
Yet this i call to mind
and therefore i have hope
Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is You faithfulness
I say to myself "The Lord is my portion;
therefore i will wait for him"
The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord

I couldn't help but feel God emphasizing the importance of waiting quietly for him & seeking him. His compassions are new every morning, and these verses hit hard, because i lack commitment and don't value the quiet time i have with God as much as i should. These past few weeks i have run hungry and dry, but i realize that its because i stopped having that time with God. There were some things that i felt guilty and shameful about, so i pushed God away, i was also lazy too. And since then i have been suffering and falling away from God even more, because i felt guilty about turning from him. It's a horrible cycle. I thought life was just bombarding me with pain an struggle, when it was really me who brought it upon myself. It was because i stopped seeking God, that i lacked the strength and will i needed to get through. I really needed to be reminded of how vital that time we spend with God is, and i may be reiterating myself, but it is what gives us hope. It is what renews us and restores us and gives us rest. I know that i need God to fill my cup every day and renew my heart and mind everyday, because i know that i am weak. It hit me in the face, that i need discipline to seek God every day, even when every fiber of my being doesn't 'feel' like it. And i may fail sometimes, but I need the discipline to seek God even in times of trouble; instead of running from him, he should be the one i run to first. Because i dont have to be afraid because of my guilt and shame, but i know now that i can approach the throne of grace with confidence, because the Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, and to the one who seeks him.

Secondly, i just wanted to talk about that night, YES that night :P The night when we were all crying out desperately to God. I thank God for touching our hearts and moving in us. But i pray that after all the high and all the emotions pass, that we will not return back to the way we were before. I've been through this so many times. The hype and then the crash. When will it end? But through God, and constant reminders and messages, i realize why i so easily fell from my hyped up state of being after i returned to my regular life. It's because i had no real foundation. I did not press to continue and to have that relationship with God. But now, im tired. I'm tired of all of the times i cried out so desperately to God, shouted, and cried my heart out, but forgot everything and fell from God just a couple days later. How many times do we have to go through the same thing? I'm tired of hype. What i need is CHANGE. Because if i don't learn to change my life and turn from my wicked ways, nothing else matters- not the tears i cry, the hands i raise, or the prayers i make. So God, change me, transform me, humble me, renew me. I empty everything i have and i give it all to you- all my pain and suffering, all these distractions, all these hindrances, all my hope and dreams, all this clutter, all the burdens, all the suffering. Take it all, i'm letting go of everything. Lord fill me. I need you to fill my cup every day of my life because i drain out so easily. I know that change won't happen over night, and that i must persevere in my walk with God, because i really don't want to go back to how i use to be. Lord, don't let me forget you and the compassions you have for me.

I pray that everything we said that night, would not all just be empty promises. I pray God, that this time it would really be different, and that we would seek you and treasure and enjoy that quiet time with you, that we would seek to be renewed and restored by your water and filled every day, because we desperately need that foundation in you, your spirit, and in your word. Instill in us the desire to want to know you more and everything you have to offer us. And finally, i pray for commitment and discipline to seek you even when everything is going wrong, and even when we are tired and weary, because you Lord are good to those whose hope is in you, to the one who seeks you.

Make it stop...

There's this unexplainable sadness in me, i can't seem to shake...

For some reason for these past 3 weeks, i've been feeling "down." i thought it would pass- that it was just one of those days, or just a phase- but for some strange reason it hasn't. When will it end? i find myself more and more frequently in oddly bad moods. i want to be left alone, but at the same time want someone to care. It's stupid; i really don't know what's wrong with me. But this feeling of being trapped and suffocated is really starting to take its toll, and no matter what i try to do, it just keeps coming back. Every day is a battle. Each second of every minute- i long for it to be over. what it this loneliness and hopelessness that has slowly seemed to take over my entire life? shouldn't i be happy? happy about college? about friends? about spring break? i don't know...what is the source of all of these feelings i can't seem to get rid of?! I know that life isn't easy, so i'll try to be strong and endure this "slump" i guess these are the times where all you can do is fix your eyes on the big guy upstairs. "I will sing in times of trouble, i will trust you God" Please God, take all that have and all that i am, all my troubles, all my burdens, and all my brokeness.
I lay it down at your feet... 

for those who are burdened and weary, sit back, relax, listen, and enjoyy~ i hope it helps in some way. again, good luck to you guys this week, may it be fruitful and restoring <3

Random Things You Should Know About Me :)

I'm really weird (but i bet you knew that already)
My favorite color is green
I love animals, even though i'm allergic to most of them
I love to draw
I love people who smile
I love it when people open up & are not afraid to show their true self
I love people who can face their past & their problems
I like to dance when no one is watching
I like to daydream a lot
I absolutely dread chemistry!
I LOVE dark chocolate!!!
I am currently trying to kick a bad habit
I eat when i am depressed :(
Sometimes i feel hopeless
Sometimes i get sick of living
I don't like repeating myself
I can be very moody sometimes, forgive me~
I tend to tear up, when people ask me if i am okay
Simple kind & loving gestures can last with me for a life time
I love music
I have really bad posture ><
I'm trying to be more assertive
I'm trying to get a grip on my life
I LOVE dragons, horses, and Dinocreatures!
I have had a lot of celebrity crushes! (Jake Gyllenhaal, Wilber Pan, Aaron Yan, Matt Lanter, Ryan Sypek, Munro Chambers <3 ect.)
I have a very vivid imagination, which is horrible after watching scary movies
I think about a lot of things before i go to bed
I have had many regrets
I hate guys who flirt with everyone
I hate it when people hide behind jokes, laughter, and foolishness (even though i sometimes do that too ><)
I am my own worst enemy
I cry very easily, especially during chick flicks
I want to marry a guy named Isaac :P
I have a lot of hopes for the future, even though some people carelessly stomp on them
I've never been in love (cept for JESUS :} )
I've actually succeeded in keeping my room clean for about 3 weeks
I like to take in the scenary
I prefer to just listen to music & walk vs. getting driven
I love nature
I doodle a lot in classes
I use to have a crush on Jim Hawkins from Treasure Island
I use to love watching Zoids, Yi-Gi-Oh, and the Winx Club :D
Guys with accents are cool :P
My best freind is Jin Sook Park <3
I love my sister<3
I use to be a very evil, mischevious kid
I believe in infatuation at first sight (not love)
I keep my notes colorful, so i don't fall asleep
I love Taiwan!!! my homeland baby~
I like to write songs & play the guitar
I like post-its
I'm afraid of being skinned to death by a cheese grater
I hate carrot juice
I LOVE smoothies
I'm very random sometimes (like now)
I have some pretty douchey friends (peter, pak & erick :P<3)
I tend to like certain guys, until i get to know them! lol
Douchey personalities are a big turn OFF!
I have a very short attention span when it comes to reading books
Sometimes i feel ew
I like to take random walks at night
I love the night air
I am trying to change
I don't like feet
I HATE maggots!
I think Edward Cullen is yucky
I wish i could fly
I'm a dork
I get hurt easily
I'm so awkward sometimes :P
I want to be a more kind, loving, wise & understanding person
I am trying to establish a steady relationship with God- because right now i consider myself a yo-yo christian ><
And finally, i love you :) whoever you are, for reading my silly long list of stuff!

I Want to Run Away...

I want to run away
to a place where it's just You & me
I want to escape this failing world
and only in Your arms let me be 

take away all of the distractions
all of these people
all the pain
all the hurt
all my worries, all my tears, and all my insecurities

Hold me safetly while i am beat & broken
Let the beating of your heart, be the only thing i hear
Let Your healing touch, be the only thing i feel
Let your voice, be the only thing i trust
Let Your love be the only thing i run to

So many times i fall
So many times i cry
i'm so tired and weary
fighting to survive each day of my life

where is the happiness?
and where is the joy?
i find that it has dissapeared
when it was You, i stopped living for

You're the only thing that is good
and the only thing that i need
sometimes, why is that so hard for me to see?
despite everything You have done
why is it so easy for me to turn my back on You?

I need to change
Don't let me forget
All the times You have held me
All the times You have saved me
All the times You have loved me
So now let me love You in return
let me be steadfast in this love

I want to run away
to a place where it's just You & me
nothing else in this life matters
Only You will never leave...

I want to love you like it's automatic
Make you into my good habit
You're the only one who really matters
Every minute, every day
It's automatically okay
When I'm thinking all about you

Automatic-stellar kart