Honor Thy Parents~

Hey people of earth :) ....why ON earth am i up THIS early? I have no clue, but i just seemed to randomly wake up at 3am. Soooo, what do i do for the next 3 and a half hours til school. I know! BLOG!- cause you know i haven't in awhileee. But anyways to start off, here's something i wrote on like last wednesday or thursday, my memory fails me > <, but i never got around to finishing it~ so here :} -

So yesterday, i kind of had a falling out with my parents... but i also had a pretty nice talk with them afterwards- thats is, after i let them yell & rant for awhile :P Well, lets just say my mom started going off about me & glor's messy room (our room tends to swing from periods of supreme messiness (as some of you might have seen o.O) to supreme cleaness, and than back again T^T) and how me & glor mess up their room as well. Then my mom started bringing up college and stuff, and whenever she does that i get kind of..backsassy? i guess, and i said 'maybe i should just leave so i wont' mess up anything anymore' & that i couldn't wait to get out, which in hindsight was pretty stupid to say ><  but yea, I told her that we were going to clean today, but you know when parents get fustrated, they start bringing up EVERY SINGLE wrong thing you've ever done + some unexpected bonuses! So, yeaa. I'm fustrated, she's fustrated, she tells my dad, and now he's fustrated, and gloria is just :/ ?! throughout the  whole thingg. Long story short, after me & glor finish cleaning our room and their room, we both go downstairs to eat and be pummeled. But THANK God,we didnt get as pummeled as i thought we would :) So, i apologized to my mommy and we all sat down to eat and talk. And as we did, i realized how much my mom & dad really did for us- not only the financial stufff (which i am learning about in economics- its pretty hard core, all the things parents need to take care of financially), but i also got a chance to see their heart. I got to see how my parents genuinely cared about my well being, instead of viewing them as people who just wanted to trap me here for as long as possible (we've been arguing about whether or not i should dorm at collegee). I wonder why it took me so long to realize. well, maybe i'm just hard-headed, and want some freedom. But now that i think about it, i really should enjoy the time i have left with my parents & show them my appreciation for everything they have done and sacrificed for me. Because the last thing i want is to be one of those people who regret the relationship or lack of one with their parents when they eventually pass away. I mean, of course there will be some sort of miscommunication once in awhile with parents, but if you actually talk to them & get to know them ( :O what a thought! lols) you'll see what they are really all about. And i guess they have weird ways of showing it (cause of the generation gap & traditional ASIAN mindset), but they do love you- genuinely love you & want the best for your life and future. So, my goal for the week (and hopefully for the rest of my life), is to honor my parents, cause after all, it is one of the ten commandments o.O (say,wha?)

Exodus 20:12
Honor your father and mother, so that you may live long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you

So, i guess what the point is or what i'm trying to say is, you might have issues with your parents, conflicts, differing opinions, but even when every fiber of your being is telling you to blow up in there faces or defend yourself...well, i dont know, i guess try to speak with them at face value.Try to get to know your parents, and actually develop a relationship with them. Honor them, despite teenage, hormonol rebellion, respect them and don't forget or disregard everything they have sacrificed for you, forgive them for the things they've put you through and if they ever hurt you, try putting yourselves in their shoes, or give them an occasional hug! :) <3 you'd be suprised what kind of doors it will open up. Life really is a lot happier this wayy- when you have a good/ loving relationship with your parents, it reflects the relationship we are suppose to have with God. Well, im not trying to preach or anything, because honestly, i think i would suck at it > <. Buttt, i just wanted to say, that i still make mistakes, and i still get fustrated, like i said before, but i when i made an effort to try to start honoring my parents by obeying them and thinking of THEM for a change (it could be as simple as listening to them when they ask you to get some bowls, saying hi and chatting with them a bit after getting home from schoool instead of running straight to your room, cutting some fruit to share with your daddy, or obeying mommy when she tells you to clean up after yo messy self!), it made a huge difference in my life & maybe it might in yours too :} so i guess that is it for nows~ Soo, GLUCK to everyone this week! with school, with parents, with friends, with life! i luvyous :)<3

Random Thoughts

what's with the bipolar weather?
i made a new fwend today :)
yay im finally starting to get my sleeping pattern back on track
im so happy that God miracuously made my chem teacher absent yesterday when we were suppose to have a quiz, too bad i failed it today :(
i should be doing math hw right now
:D doing better this week in my walk with God
luvyas <3

I Will Refuse to Look at You...

Hello there :) well, as many of you know some of us went to this thing called TBN (Trinity Broadcasting Center) two days ago, and i must say.....it was kind of weird.  I don't know, but something felt kind of off- was it the lights, the cameras right up in peoples faces, the slightly creepy singer or the people going strangely nuts? For some reason it all just felt like for show, and it reminded me off a couple of verses i read last week.
In Isaiah 1: 5-6 it starts off

Why should you continue to be punished?
Why do you continue to turn against him?
Your whole head is hurt,
and your whole heart is sick
There is no healhy spot from the bottom of
your foot to the top of your head;
you are covered with wounds, hurts, and open sores
that are not cleaned and covered,
and no medicine takes the pain away

these verses were really humbling. it hurt little, but every word of it was true. Then is goes on to say in Isaiah 1:15-17

When you raise your arms to me in prayer
I will refuse to look at you
Even if you say many prayers
I wil not listen to you,
because your hands are full of blood
Wash yourselves and make yourselves clean
Stop doing the evil things I see you do
Stop doing wrong
Learn to do good
Seek justice
Punish those who hurt others
Help the orphans
Stand up for the right of widows

So many times i lift my hands to worship God and i pray, but NONE of that matters. Everything i do is useless, unless i learn to clean myself, unless i stop doing the evil things that i do, unless i learn to do good and seek justice. NOTHING we do at church, or at home, or at school matters. We can crazily raise our hands to God, scream and shout countless prayers, but in the end if we dont learn to change ourselves and the life we live, God will refuse to look at us and He will refuse to listen to us. These verses really hit me in the face, and gave me the reality check that i desperately needed. And after that night at TBN i was reminded of it and another thought crosssed my mind. If got me thinking, after seeing all of those people, lights, and cameras. What would happen if you took all of that away? It would just be me & God. And if that's the case, i want that to be real and honest. Take away all the hype, and what's left is the core of Christianity- a real, honest realationship with God. I realize now that that's what i want. And i want to press for that relationship. I keep saying that i hate hypocrite christians, but...what it i am one? After giving my 'testimony' in front of the camera, was i being just another phony Christian? I don't know, it felt weird, because i know that i'm not where i want to be,  in terms of my relationship with God. I wonder if the old me would hate the me i am now- someone who goes to church and does all of this 'Christiany' stuff, and then goes home and does everything BUT seek God ernestly...so, in light of everything let me try actually giving me ALL to God, let me actually try doing what i sing every Sunday, let me actually try to have the sweet & lovely relationship we were all meant to have with God- what He made us for...

Dear God...

Why do i feel so far from you these days? I guess, i can answer that myself can't i? This week has been full of downs and downs, and my time spent with You has slowly dwindled. I promised You that i would stop making excuses, but i still do. I feel like i just keep making a series of bad decisions, and that i have disappointed You once again. All I want is to be close to You like i use to be. I feel so drained, lost, and confused. But most of all, i feel conflicted. I guess i'm my own worst enemy, right?  It's like im constantly battling myself, but i guess im not strong enough to win without You. Soo, as said in the wise words of Sanctus Real...

Burn away the pride
bring me to my weakness
'til everything i hide behind is gone
when i'm open wide
with nothing left to cling to
only You are there to lead me on
'cause honestly i'm not that strong

I'm not alright, i'm broken inside
broken inside
And all i go through, it leads me to You
it leads me to you

And i move, and i move, and i move
closer to You

I'm not alright, i'm broken inside
broken inside
And all i go through, it leads me to You
it leads me to you

I'm not alright, that's why i need You...

God i NEED You, lead the way...