I Will Refuse to Look at You...

Hello there :) well, as many of you know some of us went to this thing called TBN (Trinity Broadcasting Center) two days ago, and i must say.....it was kind of weird.  I don't know, but something felt kind of off- was it the lights, the cameras right up in peoples faces, the slightly creepy singer or the people going strangely nuts? For some reason it all just felt like for show, and it reminded me off a couple of verses i read last week.
In Isaiah 1: 5-6 it starts off

Why should you continue to be punished?
Why do you continue to turn against him?
Your whole head is hurt,
and your whole heart is sick
There is no healhy spot from the bottom of
your foot to the top of your head;
you are covered with wounds, hurts, and open sores
that are not cleaned and covered,
and no medicine takes the pain away

these verses were really humbling. it hurt little, but every word of it was true. Then is goes on to say in Isaiah 1:15-17

When you raise your arms to me in prayer
I will refuse to look at you
Even if you say many prayers
I wil not listen to you,
because your hands are full of blood
Wash yourselves and make yourselves clean
Stop doing the evil things I see you do
Stop doing wrong
Learn to do good
Seek justice
Punish those who hurt others
Help the orphans
Stand up for the right of widows

So many times i lift my hands to worship God and i pray, but NONE of that matters. Everything i do is useless, unless i learn to clean myself, unless i stop doing the evil things that i do, unless i learn to do good and seek justice. NOTHING we do at church, or at home, or at school matters. We can crazily raise our hands to God, scream and shout countless prayers, but in the end if we dont learn to change ourselves and the life we live, God will refuse to look at us and He will refuse to listen to us. These verses really hit me in the face, and gave me the reality check that i desperately needed. And after that night at TBN i was reminded of it and another thought crosssed my mind. If got me thinking, after seeing all of those people, lights, and cameras. What would happen if you took all of that away? It would just be me & God. And if that's the case, i want that to be real and honest. Take away all the hype, and what's left is the core of Christianity- a real, honest realationship with God. I realize now that that's what i want. And i want to press for that relationship. I keep saying that i hate hypocrite christians, but...what it i am one? After giving my 'testimony' in front of the camera, was i being just another phony Christian? I don't know, it felt weird, because i know that i'm not where i want to be,  in terms of my relationship with God. I wonder if the old me would hate the me i am now- someone who goes to church and does all of this 'Christiany' stuff, and then goes home and does everything BUT seek God ernestly...so, in light of everything let me try actually giving me ALL to God, let me actually try doing what i sing every Sunday, let me actually try to have the sweet & lovely relationship we were all meant to have with God- what He made us for...