Stand Under My Umbrellaa

Throughout this week, i've struggled a lot. There were a lot of things i was forced to re-evaluate. But you know what? i'm glad for it :}- this depressing, crazy, draining week!


Last sunday, there was a message about doing good & about how we can testify to God's love just through kind & caring actions. I was inspired to do good this week, and prayed to God for opportunities to do just that. The morning of that prayer & the day it hailed/rained (frozen streets = slippery = DANGER! :O) something happened. I was walking to school, super-slowly, with my headphones on, umbrella and everything, and as i was nearing the school entrance i saw this guy. He was trudging alone in the hailrain and his hair was all wet. At that moment, i felt the urge inside of me to go to him to share my umbrellaa. I was trying hard not to slip as i neared him, but as i got closer, i couldn't find it in me to call to him, reach out, or take that extra step to get next to him. So there i was, just walking behind him, that school entrance nearing. Then he took out a cigarette. I was a bit repulsed, because i absolutely do not like smokers, but at the same time I felt even worse. I was seconds away from turning the corner to get to Dozo, when he stopped in front of the gate to just smoke despite the horrible weather. I thought, here's my chance. I would ask him if he wanted to borrow my umbrella. But i didnt stop; i just kept walking. I still had the chance to turn around but i didn't. Was it because i was too afraid, didn't want to ruin my hair, or because i was late to german?? i don't know. But all i do know is that for the rest of the entire day i felt horriblee. I was so disappointed with myself. What kind of Christian was i? I didn't even have the courage to be kind to someone. I thought maybe that could have made a difference- for him to know that someone did care about him. But i failed.
That morning, i coincidentally read Ezekiel 33: 7-9

Son of man, I have made you a watchman for the house of Israel;
so hear the word I speak and give them warning from me
When I say to you the wicked, 'O wicked man, you will surely die,'
and you do not speak out to disuade him from his ways, that wicked man will die for his sin, and I will hold you accountable.
But if you do warn the wicked man to turn from his ways and he does not do so, he will die for his sin,
but you will have saved yourself.


This verse is pretty intense, and i wasn't exactly evangelizing to this guy, but i guess what it means or what i took from it was that if we feel an urge to share our faith, or to just reach out to someone with kindness, even if they don't listen or pay attention, God does not hold us responsible because we still have done our part. But if we feel an urge to reach out to someone and DON'T, than God holds us accountable.

I thought about how i would never get an opportunity like that again; i had the chance to help this stanger, but i didn't, and I was accountable. I was fustrated and angry, but i prayed that i would bump into him again & for more opportunities to do good. I promised myself that whatever kind act i was urged to do, i would not be held back by my body, but just DO it. Because it is our jobs as Christians to reach out to those in need whenever we can.  And thankfully God answered my prayers & gave me more chances to do good, and i took them :) It was hard and i felt my body resisting, but i knew that it was the right thing. So i just kicked myself in the butt to get up and GO! And afterwards i was glad that i pushed myself, because i felt all warm and fuzzy insidee. So to whoever has trouble or to whoever is scared to share your faith or reach out to people with random acts of kindness, JUST DO IT! :P because you might regret it later on like i did & may never get the same chance again. But most of all, you never know what amazing things can come out of it, and you may really touch someone's heart.